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The Great Man's first ever interview
All at sea, Microsoft axes flying car project
The time-bending, gravity-defying driving instructions provided by Microsoft's Encarta
See the Flying Cars section for more driving instructions
"Why not use Perl scripts to generate the copy, too" Testing our automatic story generator, mkstory.
Pimplier Batgirls and Sawdusty Barmen
Some people
do have a thing for strange combinations of words - and this week, it's these very hobbyists who have been able to shed more light on the search giants' internal operations than the academics. It's Google Whacking - the art of finding two words that produce just a single result from the search engine - which comedy writer Dave Gorman turned into a book and a stage show. You can see a list of the most recently discovered Google Whacks here. Current Whacks at the time of writing include &" rhubarb underkill&", &"oxymoronically flakier&", "overpaid brainworkers" - somewhat surprisingly - and, to our relief, there's only one web page in the world with the words "subhuman stepsiblings" close enough together to merit a hit.
Don't expect these Whacks to work for long - as soon as they're repeated on a public forum, and Google finds them, they cease to be Whacks. Today's most delightful Whacks, like "pimplier batgirls" and "sawdusty barmen", are sure to be gone tomorrow.
20/8/2005
Physics hoaxers discover Quantum Bogosity
A reverse Sokhal?
The physics establishment appears to be unable to decide whether papers submitted by two former French TV presenters
are a scientific breakthrough or an elaborate hoax.
But curiously, so arcane and abstract is the world of theoretical physics, that the work has yet to be repudiated.
1/11/2002
Wireless cola gives USAF target practice
The perils of radio tags in promotional material
2/7/2004
Your query will destroy our database - DoJ
The Justice Department has come up with the bureaucratic equivalent of "the cat ate my homework". The DoJ has told watchdog the Center for Public Integrity, which has submitted a FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) request on foreign lobbyists that its own computers will crash and lose the data if it tries to comply.
30/6/2004
Ex-ICANN chief spotted in low earth orbit
"Esther Dyson has made one of her occasional swings past Earth, with Salon.com's Farhad Manjoo making radio contact as her low earth orbit took her over San Francisco..."
US orbiter detects non-English language signals
The patron saint of California's techno-utopians Esther Dyson, from her privileged orbit somewhere over Planet Earth, has detected new and important signals for US entrepreneurs to heed.
She's discovered that people in foreign countries might not speak English. So if you're writing software for these countries, translations may be necessary. There are more dramatic revelations to follow:
"They have a different time zone in some of these places," says Esther...
Space is the place, says Esther Dyson
"Critics might say Ms. Dyson has herself left orbit in an effort to capitalize on a hot trend," notes Matt Richtel.
"What's next," wonders the Times, "a conference on some other fad? How about two days on low-fat soy cheese?"
"I don't think soy-based cheese is undergoing radical transformation," Esther replies. "If so, wait 'til next year."
1/3/2005
AOL's email tax row goes intergalactic
The wide-ranging coalition that objects to a tax on sending email has a new, and unexpected opponent. One that mere earthlings dare engage at their peril.
It's former "Net Queen", space cadet, and Register reader favorite Esther Dyson, whose latest transmission has been captured, decoded and published by the New York Times.
Esther thinks paying to send email is a great idea.
22/3/2006
One blogger is worth ten votes - Harvard man
'This certainly makes car pooling easier,' a field worker with many 'get out the vote' campaigns behind him told us. 'Instead of arranging three or four cars, we could simply send one weblogger to the polling station.
As long as they packed him some sandwiches, and a WiFi connection, we hope."
Hungover CNET wakes up next to MP3.com
"On Friday morning CNET woke up to find it was sharing a bed with MP3.com, and couldn't quite recollect how the pair of them had got there..."
Seeking new Flame Warriors
"Beautifully illustrated by Reed himself, the guide picked out some of the strange alliances that take place, too.
'Rebel Warrior can usually count on Loopy in the early stages of the conflict and Sycophant once the revolution is well underway. Or, "Profundus Maximus, Philosopher , Tireless Rebutter , and other verbose Warriors find Grunter a particularly exasperating opponent because he will answer their lengthy pontifications with a simple 'Yeah!'. 'Get a life', 'Whatever', 'I agree.' 'Wrong.', etc."
24/10/2003
Australian school bans iPod
Yuppie accessory is anti-social, won't get kids laid
24/3/2005
Should iPods carry health warnings?
An impromptu competition, inspired by cigarette warnings such as -
iPod health warnings could look like this, for example:
26/3/2005
'White Bud' guerilla targets one iPod at a time
A campus activist has the same idea
1/4/2005
Google calls time on AIMSearch prank
"In November of 2001 AOL Time Warner, responding to a subpoena from Attorney General John Ashcroft,
made available to the Justice Department a complete archive of all private conversations held over AOL Instant Messenger (AIM).
Through the power of the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), Google was able to obtain a copy of this entire logfile, totaling
over 2 terabytes of conversations previously thought to be private.
This unique resource provides insight into the minds
of potential anti-American terrorists, cheating spouses, and countless computer neophytes."
Google trawls chat
"Yesterday's satire sometimes turns out to be tomorrow's news... "
Mean/Evil Packard row rumbles on
This isn't "fun" at all - it's thoroughly depressing. But I can't think which other category might be more suitable.
25/7/2003
Verity Stob - programming's funniest memoir
I've been reading Verity Stob for 15 years ... but on re-reading this collection it was Stob's very English, Tony Hancock stoicism that stood out
4/2/2004
Seeking new Flame Warriors
Profundus Maximus vs Rottweiler Puppy: Mike Reed's Flame Warriors remains a joy - and inspiration. Check Mike's bulletin board for recent sightings.
24/10/2003
Henry Raddick: man of letters - Amazon star
The Great Man's first ever interview.
"Whether he's reviewing self-help tomes, manuals on sado-masochistic sex, or - a particular area of expertise, this - pugs and spaniels, Raddick has brought his unique expertise and warmth into the cold medium of e-commerce. What undoubtedly makes Raddick - "cheeriness personified", as he describes himself - so popular with Amazon users are the personal narratives he introduces..."
13/6/2002
"I Am Not Henry Raddick!" - HRH Prince of Wales
An Official Denial.
1/10/2002 ]
Lloyd Webber web hoaxer unmasked
"The identity of the literary hoaxer who made the pages of The New York Times last year can finally be revealed.
The prankster posted reviews under the name of "Andrew Lloyd-Webber" - Britain's best-loved composer - on Amazon.com. The publishing giant rapidly removed the reviews.
3/7/2002
Henry Raddick returns with War statement
"It's what Grendel would have wanted..."
23/10/2003
Boffins isolate 'blogging gene'
"Comics have joked for ages that humans will eventually adapt to technology: growing nimbler thumbs for text messaging, or larger ears to compensate for poor signal reception. But in a remarkable breakthrough, scientists believe they have isolated the gene responsible for one specific kind of computer activity - and the race is on to commercialize it"
01/04/2004
'Webloggers are born not made,' he said. 'And shouldn't be persecuted.' The activity could be a positive, group-bonding social function such as grooming, or simply a harmless way of passing the time, such as masturbation.
»»
Apple founder Jobs joins IKEA
IKEA's flatpack days may soon be a distant memory, as Apple and Pixar founder Steve Jobs turns to his latest challenge. Inter IKEA Systems BV will employ Jobs as "acting CEO", from next month. The technology icon will maintain his twin CEO roles at Apple Computer Inc. and Pixar Inc. but will also take command with a wide-ranging brief at the retail giant.
1/4/2005
You've got Blogs! AOL buys into homegrown media
"AOL gets it! Steve Case gets it!" beamed Dave Winer today, after brokering a deal that
sees two hundred of the most popular weblogs become part of the AOL-Time Warner publishing empire.
The media giant has acquired rights to many of the most popular blogs including Instapundit, USS Clueless, and many hitherto unheard-of
sites including Hello! Katty, ScratchMyselfRedAndYellow.org, Xanax Nation, and the Scottish blood transfusion service's
samizdat news blog, Roamin' In The Haemoglobin.
'Expect to be fired' says AT&T Wireless' Mr. Motivator
A botched software project cost AT&T Wireless $100m in lost business, according to a post
mortem by CIO magazine. But the magazine also points to outsourcing as a factor: as IT staff struggled to fix the buggy software, the company's CIO - an offshoring evangelist - motivated them by telling them that their jobs were about to disappear.
20/4/2005
Our phones don't work - Verizon boss
Oops
18/4/2005
HP boss on motivation, human capital, and staff retention
Bishops vs Bookies. Hurd is clearly not only a Bishop, but a fully-paid up member of the Cult of Information.
19/7/2005
Valley execs' greed returns to dotcom levels
"While record numbers of tech jobs were shipped offshore last year, Silicon Valley's tech execs gorged themselves at levels unseen since the dot com boom."
24/5/2005
Yahoo! buys! into! Chinese! ecommerce! giant!
According to a profile in Forbes this spring, CEO Ma orientates new hires by encouraging them to perform a handstand, because "Ebay looks less fearsome when you're upside down".
See for yourself what the competition looks like through Chinese eyes.
10/8/2005
All at sea, Microsoft axes flying car project
The time-bending, gravity-defying driving instructions provided by Microsoft's Encarta
The two links below contain more wonderful examples discovered by readers.
Longhorn RTM - what it means to you
"After Microsoft's surreal decision to celebrate the 'release' of its next version of Windows internally with a party, two years early, we invited you to offer better suggestions for the acronym RTM. Historically it's stood for Release To Manufacturing, but a more appropriate definition was clearly needed. And four hundred of you took up the challenge."
Anti-war slogan coined, repurposed and Googlewashed... in 42 days
IBM to outsource thousands of euphemisms
"IBM has warned staff not to use the word 'off-shore' when it starts to move white collar jobs from the US to China, India and Brazil this year, the Wall Street Journal reports today."
Do not feed, poke or disturb the Itanic user
All is well with IA-64, and to prove it Intel produced a panel full of happy Itanic users at IDF yesterday. It was a small room, and quite full, but the six guinea pigs were safe: members of the assembled press were only allowed to submit written questions on white pieces of card. These cards were handed from one PR to another, and finally placed before a panel moderator who decided if the panel could be exposed to the query.
Itanic Zombies check into Motel of Distinction
Mike Magee discovered that Intel had trademarked Hotels of Distinction. Intel's vigorous defense of its trademarks™ is mentioned in this Magee story, which has one of the best headlines we've ever run.
Here.
It must be all those extra registers.
Miracle cures Berkeley man of Itanic wickedness
Mentions the etymology of "Itanic". According to the Eric Raymond's version of the Hacker's Dictionary,
it appeared in various places on the Internet in 1999. It's true that it did, but this neologism was single-handedly
popularized by Register co-founder Mike Magee, now of The Inquirer. Ashlee Vance joined The Register in 2003 and took over the
servers and storage beat, which encompasses IA-64.
Who Sank Itanic?
"Ironically, key engineers of the P6 were rewarded by being reassigned to work the IA-64 salt mines - just one of the opportunity costs that Intel will have to calculate when the Itanium project is said and done. On the plus side, the historical determinism (and kindergarten economics) that informed what Dvorak called "sheeplike behavior" - the mantra about volume economics - has had some upside for IntelÉ. Itanic may be one of the computer industry's most expensive flops: it has reduced the RISC competition from five to two."
One blogger is worth ten votes - Harvard man
Working in his secret laboratory at Harvard University, a Fellow of the
prestigious institution has come up with a formula that rocks electoral maths to its core.
Former software developer Dave Winer has worked out that one weblogger is worth ten ordinary voters,
and he revealed the results of his complex calculations to Wired this week.
Technically no longer a "Harvard Man", but now the self-styled Father of Podcasting. Winer and Curry were
confused by a drag queen, and demanded h/she submit her scripts to Winer for pre-approval.
The humorlessness of our Techno Utopians never ceases to amaze. There must be a gene missing.
See Are you trying to be funny? If so check [ ] this box
Harvard man loses 3,000 weblogs
Eccentric software developer Dave Winer has removed access to 3,000 weblogs hosted by the company he founded Userland at weblogs.com, without giving any prior notice. Bloggers have been told that if they ask nicely, they may have their data back next month. Winer blamed a computer for his decision.
This strange story grows stranger, however. Winer made the announcement after the fact, in a rare audio mumble: third parties had to provide their own transcriptions. The change didn't affect friends and paid subscribers, and Winer has admitted he's continuing in the hosting business - he's simply moving locations.
It's more than simply another failure of the social care system.
>>>
Harvard man provides musical solace for bereft blogger
Significant questions remain, however - it's more than simply another failure of the social care system. How could he be holed up at an Ivy League University, passing himself off as a figure of importance in the software community? Research shows that the character not only
didn't invent even what he claims to have invented - they're the typical tall tables of a paranoid fabulist - but he was
shunned by much of the community that he desperately wanted to use them. In many ways it's the familiar story of the sad outsider, desperately seeking acceptance.
18/6/2004
Webloggers deal Harvard blog-bores a black eye
"The only way I would attend such a conference is with 'a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy'," wrote
Dwight Meridith.
"A convention for blogging is like a convention for... I dunno, handwriting. Or cassette tape recording," noted John
Kusch, acidly.
Tom Tomorrow, whose is promoting his new book through his weblog - it's currently 23rd in the Amazon best-seller list - wasn't
impressed.
"But you know," he wrote, "even if Kos and Atrios were both attending - hell, even if the panels were moderated by naked supermodels
flown in specially for the occasion - $500 to spend a weekend listening to people talk about blogging?
Sweet Jesus. Give me the bathtub full of ice."
13/8/2003
I don't use my iPod except for car journeys, flights and for holidays, when I've very glad of it.
The perils of being plugged in all the time are illustrated here.